From Today's Dear Abby

I am wondering about the new Dear Abby. I noticed that as her mother retired and she took over the column, anger and conclusion jumping appeared. For example, from today's column (source: Dear Abby on uExpress 5/24/04)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Skylar," just started middle school, and she has fallen in with the wrong crowd. She walks around the house with a chip on her shoulder, wearing what looks to us like boys' clothes. She curses and lies, and she and her new friends have vandalized the girls' restroom four times. Her latest trick is to forge my signature on school papers.

I have discussed these problems with the school. They suggested counseling and therapy. What I want is advice on how to discipline Skylar for all the wrongs she has done.

How do I guide my daughter down the right path? -- UNABLE TO DISCIPLINE

DEAR UNABLE: Guiding a child down the "right path" involves more than discipline; it involves open communication and the assurance that he or she is loved. If Skylar were my daughter, the first thing I'd do is have her tested for drugs. If she tested positive, I would start her in a rehab program and possibly place her in another school.

If she tested "clean," I'd do exactly as the school suggested and get counseling and therapy for her. In fact, counseling for your entire family would be a good idea, because it appears that Skylar is not the only one who could use some help. Your parenting skills may need to be upgraded.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now maybe it's just me, but this typical response from the new "Abby" must really indicate some personal problems and issues. Today's example:

Let's drug test -- This must be based on the unedited version of the letter. I didn't read any mention of drugs in the published version. Or is it just the assumption, it must be drugs. Abby has become Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High and assumes everyone must be on drugs. It just doesn't follow from "open communication and the assurance that he or she is loved" to "the first thing" being pee in a cup. No one wants their kids to do drugs, but we shouldn't need to take their bodily fluids -- teaching them a terrible lesson about privacy, truthfulness and respect-- to be good parents. If this parent means loose clothing by writing "boy clothes," why not jump to a pregnancy test instead of a drug test? For the same reasons you do not jump to a drug test -- privacy, truthfulness and respect. You can find out, you can support your child doing the right thing no matter what path they have started on without such terrible invasions. Lying creates its own consequences. She will suffer those consequences if you will allow it. Leaving the house, having money and time to spend with friends are things that become unavailable when a child lies and acts inappropriately. Supervised activities replace the unsupervised. And in general, we need to plan and spend more of what Al Franken calls "Quantity Time" with our kids.

Let me insult you -- I'm a big fan of counseling as a helpful tool and that the family needs to be completely involved. But Abby's comments sure wouldn't make me want to go. It has a very "holier than thou" feeling. Or is she unconsciously talking of how she feels about her own mother when she suggest an upgrade of parenting skills?

Don't answer the main question -- Advise on discipline? How do I guide my child down the right path? The first is completely ignored unless you view a drug test or counseling as discipline. I see the drug test as humiliating to the child. The counseling may be related to discipline, but not in the way used by the letter writer (punishment). And I see nothing about how to provide guidance towards the right path. I know that I don't know the right path, but then I don't write an advise column. I figured the new Abby might at least have come up with some of her mother's old standards.

Let's look at Abby again in the near future.

It's me!